Bold predictions for the new year
Every holiday is great, but New Year’s Day is by far my least favorite.
While my friends and neighbors all ooh and ahh at the sights and sounds of technicolor fireworks, all I see and hear are warning shots announcing to my soul that I have one less autumn to enjoy on this earth.
Soon, I’ll put away my rifle, I’ll hang my camo backpack in the corner of the shed and I’ll stare at the tag or two that went unfilled and wonder about what might have been.
And I’ll dig my fingernails into the slippery walls of time, trying to slow its inexorable push toward summer.
But the eve of the new year is a time to look ahead — not backward — so I’ve done that. Here are seven predictions for 2009. You can take these to Vegas, baby:
• Carlton Dufrechou will reverse course and actually endorse drilling in Lake Pontchartrain after it’s discovered the lake bed is loaded with Barq’s root beer.
• With all the super-skilled anglers casting hundreds of thousands of lures in Calcasieu, Pontchartrain and the Venice bays, the state-record trout will be caught by someone with virtually no fishing ability whatsoever. Kevin Ford, perhaps?
• To maintain membership participation, CCA will add a category to its STAR tournament: “Giant Chinese Restaurant Goldfish.”
• Coastal erosion and subsidence will cease along the Louisiana coast when President Obama twitches his nose and lowers the levels of the world’s oceans.
• Gov. Bobby Jindal will use the picture of him holding the strap of ducks as the centerpiece of his presidential campaign. “It worked the first time,” he tells his manager.
• Bassmaster Classic anglers will ignore the absurd federal ruling, and will break the law by fishing outside of the low-water mark on the Red River.
• LDWF officials will try to make sure all their years of telling citizens there are no cougars in Louisiana are true by shooting any they run across. Oh, wait. That was last year.
Happy New Year everyone!
